Yells at my younger family members to shut them up

I’m a monster and I yell at my nieces and nephews to shut them up. I have called them liars, I have called one of them a monster, I have threatened violence, I have threatened abandoning them

I do not deserve to live. I do not deserve to be around them. I have emotionally scarred them for life just for being kids, because kids and people anger me to no end. There is no hope, no recovery, no fixing my mistakes

Waking up and thinking to myself dying would be a better way to avoid making more misery for people who don’t deserve it

People who don’t deserve to have neurosis or baggage who shouldn’t have to cry because I can’t handle contradiction who shouldn’t have to wail for their mom who may not come home for their dad who cannot take care of himself
Grandparents who’ve already done their time but are forced to step up again because their offspring are inept fuck ups

I want to die

Dead

Everything is absolutely awful and I just want to hurt everybody til it all goes away and everything is silence